Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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