Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
