you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
