Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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