i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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