I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
