I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
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I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
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WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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