the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
