Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
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im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
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Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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