Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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