i permit you to call me
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
