Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
