My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
