No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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