Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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