i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
