OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
