Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
