Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
