well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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