Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
