apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
