I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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