A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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