I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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