Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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