I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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