I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
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She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's official drugs can't kill me
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I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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