I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
