Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
