my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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