How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
