k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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