just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
