Kiss
Puke
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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