We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
