doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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