it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
