yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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