he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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