Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
