capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
