are you still at the devil's house?
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
