before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
