Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
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I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
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I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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