I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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