New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
