if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
