half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
