My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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