Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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