Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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