You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
