How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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