You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
