all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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