I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
