My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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