God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
