Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
