How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
