This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
