The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i drank out of a bidet.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
