I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
