How'd it feel making her break her religion?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
