he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
