my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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