I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
