i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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