she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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