and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
