Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
