If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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