They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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