i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
