I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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