Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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