i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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