so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
