I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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