I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
